I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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