Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
