I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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