She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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