Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I had to cum in my sink.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
