Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
