I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
