Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
