sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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