Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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