We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
