You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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