It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
