He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
