she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
