it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
