piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
