We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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