when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
don't judge my taste in strippers
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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