I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
