He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
