So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
