At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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