Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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