haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he thought i was a dude.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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