And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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