At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
