I don't remember. Are we still dating?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
