If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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