Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize