Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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