I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
