Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
