I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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