yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
