who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Can I color on your dick again?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
