Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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