she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
