There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
