I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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