Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
