It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
