actually, I'm a sock model
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
