Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize