i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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