Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
