the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
