did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
