is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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