There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
