she looked like the before picture.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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