i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
