Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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