And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
