at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
