It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
