I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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