so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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