Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
