He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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