No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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