I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
