She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
