We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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