Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
