don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he was CRYING into my vagina
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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