So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
