Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
